Challenge Accepted

I issued a challenge to my advisory this week.

Another teacher (and friend), Mike Levenhagen and I, came up with an idea to start kind of a grass roots kindness movement. We named it "Be the One."  This theme is borne of a desire to change our small little corner of the world - one small act at a time. Like many schools, we've been plagued by instances of bullying - in person, on twitter, and other types of social media. It needs to stop. "Be the One" to notice if someone is singled out and work to change it. Invite that lone student to sit with you at lunch. "Be the One" to stand up for the kid that's being bullied. "Be the One" to pick up the trash you see laying around in the halls. "Be the One" to hold the door. "Be the One" that smiles at everyone. "Be the One" that your friends come to for a positive interaction. "Be the One" that pays attention and notices and acts with kindness and compassion. "Be the One" that others look to for support. Just "Be the One."

I realize that kids are more receptive to the actions and pleas of other kids than they are to those set forth by adults. I've shared my experience as one who was bullied with my own kids, my advisory kids, and many of my classes. Each time I end up quite emotional, because, know what?! IT. STILL. HURTS. The pain is still there. That, in and of itself, should say something. The effects of being bullied are long lasting. If this girl can still get emotional 28 years after the fact, then bullying is a scarring experience. (I'm pretty passionate about the subject because of this - so I guess this may be how God is using that negative experience in my life to bring about something good. That God - He's something else!)

So - back to the challenge I issued my advisory kids. I asked them to think. "What is the nicest thing someone has said to you today?" Silence. 'Thinking' silence. 'No response' silence. 'I can't come up with anything' silence!! (granted it was just after second hour, but still!) NOTHING! Somewhat stunned but not too surprised, I told them we were going to go about changing that. Each of us. One interaction at a time. It went something like this:

"Think about the Pillars of Character and the traits of a person that exemplifies those traits. Now think of  a person to thank. Not for something they did for or gave to you, but something they are to you. Think about the ways they have shown you that they care about you, respected you, were fair, or have shown their trustworthiness. Then THANK THEM. Be specific. It might sound something like this, 'Hey, Megan! I just wanted to thank you for being so caring. You're always willing to listen to me complain about things and not judge or try to fix what ever is going on with me. You just listen and I really appreciate that. Thanks!' Make it be face-to-face (no texting on this one!) and genuine (you have to really, really mean it)!

Suppose you'll be a bit uncomfortable? Probably. Hopefully. GOOD!!! That's okay! Guess what? Discomfort inspires change! Change is good! If you are always comfortable, things are never going to be any different for you than they are right this minute. How boring is THAT?! All new and great things and experiences start with a bit of discomfort and fear! Don't you dare forget that you may be the only nice thing to happen to this person today (or this week, or this month, or this year...) That's really sad but probably more true than we'd like to think.

We'll start with someone easy. Think about your best friend. Start there. But I want you to notice your feelings, too. What are you feeling about the challenge? What are you feeling as you think about what to say? What are you feeling as you are actually speaking the words? What are you feeling when you're done? What are you feeling as you look back on your day and remember the interaction? How did they react? How did their reaction make you feel?

But hey, let's not stop here! Let's make a list of the types of people we can approach with this. Parents, siblings, teachers, support staff (coaches, custodians, food service, secretaries, counselors, bus drivers, and principals), a classmate, an under class man, an upper class man. Let's be intentional. Let's take the time. Let's make a difference. One encounter at a time."

I'm all about smiling and making the world smile a little bit. I want for the people I care about and see every day to know that they matter - to me and to lots of other people too. I don't want to leave words and feelings unspoken. If these past weeks have taught me anything it's that there is never enough time to tell people that they matter to you. It's never too late to start!

Join us. Be the One. Look Outward.

I'll keep you posted!

Help Me Understand

There are things that happen in this world that I truly do not understand - things that make me question my faith and my God.

I just returned from the visitation for a young man. A young man who is well loved and well thought of by hundreds of people. I hugged parents of this young man who are experiencing a pain so numbing at the same time raw and I had no clue what to say. What do you say? There are no words. Parents are not meant to outlive their children. What came out of my mouth? “What great kids you have. I am so, so sorry.” I don’t know if that was right or wrong but it was from my broken heart. I hugged the twin sister of this young man knowing that she most probably lost not only her brother but also her best friend.

Earlier this week this young man took his own life. I don't pretend to know the circumstances surrounding this choice. I can’t help but think of suicide as less about wanting to end ones life and more about wanting to end some sort of pain - a pain that is unbearable. A pain that seems impossible to escape from. A pain and agony with a depth that I cannot begin to comprehend. Holy cow but the most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained! He was a great kid. Why. Why. Why.

I've been touched many times by suicide in my 47 years – so many that I’ve lost count. People that attended high school with me, people from my hometown, siblings of friends, siblings of former students and most recently a former student. I can’t imagine a pain so great and deep that I would desire to end it all. I don’t understand but I SO want to! Suicide is so tragic and it scares me so much - certainly as a teacher but most deeply as a parent. What I feel mostly is helpless. Helpless and ill equipped to notice the signs and symptoms. Can you love someone away from the decision? It scares me that so many times so many things are left unsaid. Did I tell them I loved them often enough? Did I not only say it but show it as well? Was it in the form that they longed to see, hear, or feel it? Did I let them know that they are loved and cherished more than they will ever know by the One that died to know them? (Romans5:8) Did I tell them that the pain that they’ve been feeling cannot compare to the joy that is coming? (Romans 8:18) Did I notice their sadness and depression and seek to understand it or was I too busy and wrapped up in my own life and “stuff” that I missed their pain?

I may be ill equipped to deal and to love the pain out of someone, but God is not. I find comfort in His arms and in His word. I hope I point to Him enough. I love my kids - the ones I birthed and the ones I've taught. Tonight was hard but my God is BIG. So until I meet my Savior face-to-face and can ask Him “Why?” I will continue to look Upward knowing that He has a plan.

Comfort from Above 

Looking Upward

Flawed Christian

I am a follower of Christ. I call myself a Christian. I am saved by the grace of Jesus Christ. Each day I fail Him but He shows me mercy and grace and loves me anyway. I am much more a sinner than I ever dared believed yet far more loved than I ever dared hope. I am a flawed Christian. I live in a broken world that is so deeply loved by Christ. In that truth I find hope.

There are days when my thoughts and actions and spoken words are far from Christ-like. Those are sad days for me - but much sadder, I am certain, for my Father in Heaven. When I claim to be a Christ-follower and a Christian and my actions and words don't reflect that, it hurts His whole body and the job we're called to do in His Name. Christ knows His followers all to well. The world? This lost and broken world? Not so much.

Those that do not yet know Him aren't so understanding. They don't see that the reason we attend church is to gather in all of our flaws and darkest places of our hearts to ask His forgiveness and to renew our strength in Him. They don't know that we see ourselves as broken and in need of our Savior. They don't witness our fellowship and acts of worship in His Name. They. Don't. Know Him. That's our calling. We are called to point to Him ALWAYS. Our mission is to look Upward and Outward.

I look Upward. In Christ I find hope. In Christ I find acceptance. In Christ I find mercy and grace. In Christ I find peace and rest. In Christ I find joy and my identity. He will never let me down and He'll never let me go.

I look Outward. I look for ways to show others the hope that is in Christ. I look for opportunities to accept others for who they are - not for what they have or have not done. I search my past for those for whom I'm harboring a hurt and ask Him to show me ways to offer them mercy and strength to show them grace. I open my eyes to those who are feeling lonely and lost and hurt and seek to bring them tiny bits of joy through my actions, my words, and my prayers. I pray for the words to tell them that in Christ they can become His new creation. With each breath I will seek to bring Him glory!

Am I flawed? Most certainly! Does God still use me? You betcha! I don't need to be perfect. I just need to have God! 2 Corinthians 12:9 But He said to me, "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.