When it comes to marriages that are lasting, I'd say my family is more than blessed. Jon and I will celebrate 24 years of marriage this June. My sister and brother-in-law will have been married 27 years the same month. Our parents will celebrate 53 years of wedded bliss this May. March 7, 2014, my mother and father-in-law celebrated 50 years of marriage. My paternal grandparents were married way more than 50 years and my maternal grandparents were wed for more than 70. We are blessed.
So, what do my ancestors know that the rest of the world doesn't? I'm not entirely sure... maybe just that a marriage vow is worth honoring. No matter what. I can't speak for any marriage, really, but the one I was raised in and the one that I'm committed to myself.
I truly think people give up entirely too easily. When the going gets tough - and IT WILL - the faint-of-heart bail. They don't see any other way. Maybe they have no other example. I'm here to tell you, You CAN make it work! But sometimes it takes a little (okay, a LOT of) work.
Before you get your undies in a wad...I realize there are circumstances where divorce has to be an option - I get that and I can totally get behind and support those that are going through a divorce. I also hope that I'm not coming across as judgmental of those who have taken that route. I just know that for us - Jon and I - it won't be an option. It takes BOTH people in the marriage to want to make it work and to be committed to making it work. If you're in a marriage where that's not the case? Then you deserve to find happiness. I'm pretty certain God wants that FOR you.
My parents don't seem to have to work very hard at their marriage - at least from my vantage point. They have always enjoyed each others' company and also spent a considerable amount of time nurturing not only their marriage relationship, but their individual friendships and the friendships they enjoy with other couples. I love watching them interact with one another and I've learned a lot from my observations. They hug. They kiss. They tease. None of this has ever been hidden from us kids. Love was lived out in our house and it was limitless. If there were any serious arguments, they weren't played out in front of us kids. They speak kindly and lovingly of each other at every opportunity - in the others' presence and behind their back. They are nurturing their legacy of love. This blesses me. This blesses us. This blesses our kids.
I married a most wonderful man - a man I feel was hand-picked for me. He has proven to me over and over again that our relationship means more to him than anything else in this world. He loves me more than I ever dared hope and freaking worlds beyond anything I could ever imagine or know that I deserve. We work at our marriage. We talk, we laugh, we squabble, and we disagree. Hell, we flat out fight sometimes! Then we apologize, hug, forgive, and try to learn from it and MOVE ON. We also agree that the vows we took 24 years ago are FOREVER vows - I like whoever said "Divorce is not an option. You mad? Take your 'tail' in the other room and calm down because we're going to work this sh!+ out!" Jon's passion for our family blesses me every day of our lives.
I hope and pray that Jon and I are adequate examples to our kids of a healthy, happy marriage. I know we've screwed up (and we're totally committed to any financial obligations for therapy...) and we apologize to one another and our kids on the rare (hopefully) occasions that those screw-ups occur. I want to live out and continue this legacy of love for the sake of my children and in honor of the successful marriages that have come before us and have influenced and blessed my family.
Lord, may the lives You've joined in this family continue to bless and honor You. I pray that You continue to bless the ones You've chosen for my children. May they feel Your presence and love as well as the love of family and friends. I am confident that You will bring them together according to Your will and in Your time. Until that time, help my children to be men and a lady with hearts for You. I know that as much as their dad and I love, cherish, and want what's best for them, Your desire and promise to provide "a hope and a future" for them is more than enough comfort for THIS girl right now. Amen.
Happy Anniversary, Larry and Elaine! Your relationship blesses me, my marriage, and the lives of your grandkids. I love you and I feel blessed beyond measure.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Lent - Giving Up and Living Out
I read a really great blog entry the other day "20 Things to Give Up for Lent" (you can find it here) and it made me think, like the Lenten season usually does, about that Catholic tradition. I'm not Catholic but I have given things up for Lent like lots of others do. I suppose it's an attempt at sacrifice in recognition for all Christ sacrificed for us - but it's a rather lame attempt as there's certainly no real comparison.
Several years ago, I began to look at this tradition and how I could make it more meaningful for myself and a way to truly honor God, His amazing sacrifice, and the grace He shows me daily. I came up with the idea of "doing for" others during Lent - "giving up" some of my time, step out of my comfort zone, and make an impact "Jesus-style." Again, my attempt pales in comparison, but I do think it makes a difference to the ones I attempt to bless.
So, on this Ash Wednesday 2014, please join me in not only "Giving Up" like Pastor Phil suggests but I offer up my own list of...
"20 Things to Live Out for Lent" (and bonus! 20+20=40 <- the number of days in Lent!):
1 - joy - remember that there's a difference between being happy and being joyful - I will continue to find joy because of my identity in Christ
2 - patience - I'm not yet what Christ intends for me to be (Philippians 1:6) - I'm not perfect and neither are others, so I need to extend patience to them as well
3 - kindness - living out kindness in the world at every opportunity is what we ALL should be about every single day - what a different earthly experience we would have!
4 - goodness - being a good person is awesome, but we all could stand to step it up a bit here and DO good as well. Find something the world needs and seek to fill that need
5 - gentleness - I struggle with this because I sometimes equate being gentle with being a doormat or allowing others take advantage of me. I need to open up my heart to the possibility that being gentle speaks more to how I treat others than how they treat me
6 - compassion - beyond sympathy into the realm of wanting to alleviate someone's suffering. Just take a look to Mother Theresa as an example of this trait in tandem with gentleness
7 - sincerity - be open. Be genuine. Most of all, just be there for your peeps
8 - courage - Am I living out my relationship with Christ in courage? Sharing my faith is certainly personal, but I think God calls us NOT to keep it private. Have to courage to speak out and up in His name (I most certainly have to pray for this one - daily!)
9 - gratitude - I follow a blog that puts this one nicely "Here's to gratitude and how it turns everything into enough." Lord, let me have a grateful heart
10 - "you-ness" - we each have something entirely different to offer our little corners of the world - without you here, something would be missing. Lord, help me to live out my uniqueness in the world
11 - understanding - seek to understand others. I don't know what things - big and small - have brought others to their current reality
12 - positivity - sometimes hard on this earth, being positive. But there's a WHOLE lotta negative already being lived out - let's start a Positivity Posse! ;)
13 - contentment - I still think Sheryl Crow says it best here - "It's not having what I want but wanting what I've got"
14 - perseverance - doing the right thing all the time can be taxing - persevere, Brave Ones!
15 - encouragement - we all need encouragement on our walks - sometimes it is the fellowship times when I am offered encouragement that get me through those trying times
16 - grace - who am I not to offer grace? For it is through grace that I have been saved! Good golly, pass that on!!
17 - faithfulness - Isn't this how we'll be judged? What have I done with what I know of God? I don't think I'll be judged by how much I know but rather what I've done with what I understand to be true about the character and love of Jesus. (Gotta thank Pastor Tony Vis for this one!)
18 - peace - What gives me peace? The answer to Question 1 of the Heidelberg Catechism - What is my only comfort in life and death? That I am not my own, but belong body and soul, in life and in death to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ. He has fully paid for my sins by His precious blood and has set me free from the tyranny of the Evil One. He watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in Heaven, in fact all things must work together for my salvation. Therefore it is by His Holy Spirit that I am assured of eternal life and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to live for Him. So, who wants to sign up for that kind of peace?! Live. It. Out.
19 - forgiveness - you don't have to forget that someone's hurt you, but forgiving them is SO stinking freeing for your heart and soul - it's a gift for yourself! Live it out.
20 - love - Let all we do, be done in love. I Corinthians 16:14. Most of all, let love guide your life. Colossians 3:14. Even The Beatles sang, "Love is all you need" - AND it's God's greatest command Matthew 22:36-40. Truly. Who am I to argue with The Beatles and God?
We can give things up to honor God and we can live things out to honor Him.
The time has come to pay attention Brave Ones - your world is about to be rocked again with the reminder this season of just what true love looks like. Hang on to your hats.
Several years ago, I began to look at this tradition and how I could make it more meaningful for myself and a way to truly honor God, His amazing sacrifice, and the grace He shows me daily. I came up with the idea of "doing for" others during Lent - "giving up" some of my time, step out of my comfort zone, and make an impact "Jesus-style." Again, my attempt pales in comparison, but I do think it makes a difference to the ones I attempt to bless.
So, on this Ash Wednesday 2014, please join me in not only "Giving Up" like Pastor Phil suggests but I offer up my own list of...
"20 Things to Live Out for Lent" (and bonus! 20+20=40 <- the number of days in Lent!):
1 - joy - remember that there's a difference between being happy and being joyful - I will continue to find joy because of my identity in Christ
2 - patience - I'm not yet what Christ intends for me to be (Philippians 1:6) - I'm not perfect and neither are others, so I need to extend patience to them as well
3 - kindness - living out kindness in the world at every opportunity is what we ALL should be about every single day - what a different earthly experience we would have!
4 - goodness - being a good person is awesome, but we all could stand to step it up a bit here and DO good as well. Find something the world needs and seek to fill that need
5 - gentleness - I struggle with this because I sometimes equate being gentle with being a doormat or allowing others take advantage of me. I need to open up my heart to the possibility that being gentle speaks more to how I treat others than how they treat me
6 - compassion - beyond sympathy into the realm of wanting to alleviate someone's suffering. Just take a look to Mother Theresa as an example of this trait in tandem with gentleness
7 - sincerity - be open. Be genuine. Most of all, just be there for your peeps
8 - courage - Am I living out my relationship with Christ in courage? Sharing my faith is certainly personal, but I think God calls us NOT to keep it private. Have to courage to speak out and up in His name (I most certainly have to pray for this one - daily!)
9 - gratitude - I follow a blog that puts this one nicely "Here's to gratitude and how it turns everything into enough." Lord, let me have a grateful heart
10 - "you-ness" - we each have something entirely different to offer our little corners of the world - without you here, something would be missing. Lord, help me to live out my uniqueness in the world
11 - understanding - seek to understand others. I don't know what things - big and small - have brought others to their current reality
12 - positivity - sometimes hard on this earth, being positive. But there's a WHOLE lotta negative already being lived out - let's start a Positivity Posse! ;)
13 - contentment - I still think Sheryl Crow says it best here - "It's not having what I want but wanting what I've got"
14 - perseverance - doing the right thing all the time can be taxing - persevere, Brave Ones!
15 - encouragement - we all need encouragement on our walks - sometimes it is the fellowship times when I am offered encouragement that get me through those trying times
16 - grace - who am I not to offer grace? For it is through grace that I have been saved! Good golly, pass that on!!
17 - faithfulness - Isn't this how we'll be judged? What have I done with what I know of God? I don't think I'll be judged by how much I know but rather what I've done with what I understand to be true about the character and love of Jesus. (Gotta thank Pastor Tony Vis for this one!)
18 - peace - What gives me peace? The answer to Question 1 of the Heidelberg Catechism - What is my only comfort in life and death? That I am not my own, but belong body and soul, in life and in death to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ. He has fully paid for my sins by His precious blood and has set me free from the tyranny of the Evil One. He watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in Heaven, in fact all things must work together for my salvation. Therefore it is by His Holy Spirit that I am assured of eternal life and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to live for Him. So, who wants to sign up for that kind of peace?! Live. It. Out.
That I am not my own, 1
but belong with body and soul,
both in life and in death, 2
to my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ. 3
He has fully paid for all my sins
with his precious blood, 4
and has set me free
from all the power of the devil. 5
He also preserves me in such a way 6
that without the will of my heavenly Father
not a hair can fall from my head; 7
indeed, all things must work together
for my salvation. 8
Therefore, by his Holy Spirit
he also assures me
of eternal life 9
and makes me heartily willing and ready
from now on to live for him.
- See more at: http://www.heidelberg-catechism.com/en/lords-days/1.html#sthash.ZdZqpezI.dpuf
That I am not my own, 1
but belong with body and soul,
both in life and in death, 2
to my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ. 3
He has fully paid for all my sins
with his precious blood, 4
and has set me free
from all the power of the devil. 5
He also preserves me in such a way 6
that without the will of my heavenly Father
not a hair can fall from my head; 7
indeed, all things must work together
for my salvation. 8
Therefore, by his Holy Spirit
he also assures me
of eternal life 9
and makes me heartily willing and ready
from now on to live for him.
- See more at: http://www.heidelberg-catechism.com/en/lords-days/1.html#sthash.ZdZqpezI.dpuf
That I am not my own, 1
but belong with body and soul,
both in life and in death, 2
to my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ. 3
He has fully paid for all my sins
with his precious blood, 4
and has set me free
from all the power of the devil. 5
He also preserves me in such a way 6
that without the will of my heavenly Father
not a hair can fall from my head; 7
indeed, all things must work together
for my salvation. 8
Therefore, by his Holy Spirit
he also assures me
of eternal life 9
and makes me heartily willing and ready
from now on to live for him.
- See more at: http://www.heidelberg-catechism.com/en/lords-days/1.html#sthash.ZdZqpezI.dpuf19 - forgiveness - you don't have to forget that someone's hurt you, but forgiving them is SO stinking freeing for your heart and soul - it's a gift for yourself! Live it out.
20 - love - Let all we do, be done in love. I Corinthians 16:14. Most of all, let love guide your life. Colossians 3:14. Even The Beatles sang, "Love is all you need" - AND it's God's greatest command Matthew 22:36-40. Truly. Who am I to argue with The Beatles and God?
We can give things up to honor God and we can live things out to honor Him.
The time has come to pay attention Brave Ones - your world is about to be rocked again with the reminder this season of just what true love looks like. Hang on to your hats.
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